My Journey to Enlightenment

My life did not begin in this world, I have always known that and because of this, there have been times when I felt that I had an unfair advantage surviving the difficulties of this world, though they were no less painful. My earliest memories have always remained vivid and I know for sure that my life has always been protected, though not from suffering or from the cold hearts of sleeping souls. Looking back I have experienced a great deal of the things that hurt us most in life, and this has led to a profound understanding of the suffering of others. I have also experienced love and the compassion of others, and so I look back with gratitude for all of my experiences; I guess the end justified the means.

I would like to take you back now, to my earliest memory of this, my life's journey; a journey that began this side of Heaven, yet still in the spiritual realm. What occurred before this, and who I am, I cannot say, but one thing I know for sure is that no soul can begin a new life journey with memories of previous lives. If it were so, then a soul could plan their next life in such a way that they could regain the wealth and power they had in their previous life. It would be quite easy to conceal ones treasure and secret knowledge and then collect it in the next life. Imagine the possibilities! The world indeed would be full of Christs and Fallen Angels. That doesn't mean to say that a soul cannot be reminded of their previous lives by Angels. So now we move on to my earliest memories, starting with my journey from the spiritual realm, memories that I have carried for all of this life journey.

I stood upon what seemed to be a precipice that separates the spiritual realm from the material world. It was a place so high above the world, one that can only be traversed by a soul. I turned to my left and there stood a being dressed in a long blue, loose fitting robe. The being's long hair had the appearance of a soft yellow gold that flowed below the shoulders. The face portrayed that of a long known friend and radiated peace and love beyond description and although I could discern no gender, I felt the appearance of both.

The precipice where we stood was in darkness, and was like a ledge protruding out between the two realms. In this place, I was unable to look back with either eyes or mind. It was a place where I would choose the next path on my soul's journey.

As I looked down upon the earth, I was filled with sorrow. 'I have to go back and help them', was all I could think about. I had found my way out of that prison realm and to return once more would be for the sake of Love. For all of the world's imprisoned souls who are my family.  As I looked into the world at the unfolding lives of many precious souls, my eyes came to rest on one whose heart was good, even though her suffering had been much. To her I would entrust my soul.


The Angel spoke in a gentle voice, 'Have you chosen?' and I said 'I have', and then I found myself leaving that realm and falling alone to earth, into forgetfulness. It was there that I would strive once more, to find the Truth I had forgotten, a Truth that would be found through the Love I carried within; the Truth that frees all souls.

Growing up in a world of darkness

I recall those days before birth so vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. I remember knowing that I was to be born, that I would be leaving that place, but of what waited outside, I had no idea. How frightening it was to leave that place. The first thing I experienced was fear, but I soon found myself being comforted in the warm and protecting arms of the one I had chosen. It was then for the first time in this world, that I felt the powerful and beautiful bond of love. I was here and for the moment, I was safe. I remember how strange the world seemed in those first weeks. I would look around, and although I could see clearly, I couldn’t understand what I was seeing, voices were the same; it was all so unfamiliar to me.

We all come into the world as innocent children, bathed in forgetfulness. We begin our journey with only the love we have brought. So there I was, born in 1948, content in my charity given clothes, a happy and cheeky free spirited child, not knowing the things of the world, another soul whose mind would become another battleground for light and darkness.

All through my life I’ve had strange experiences. Even as a child I had a recurring dream of a sea that was so calm and still that it looked like glass. It gave the feeling of perfect peace and tranquillity which I felt through my whole body. The problem was that it would then turn all spiky, causing a terrible feeling and then an old galleon ship would go sailing by. I now realise that the dream portrayed leaving the spiritual realm, and entering the material realm, where my journey of discovery began. In those years, I seemed to have developed a natural ability to go deeply into thought, where my focus was complete, clear and undisturbed. For the duration of my meditation, neither the world nor my physical body seemed to exist. All of my time spent in meditation was given to questioning, and even as a child those questions were mainly concerned with who I was, where I was and why I was here.

I left school at the age of 15 and had no further formal education. By the age of 17, I had already considered and dismissed many ideas. I’ve always been extremely self aware that my consciousness was of a different nature to my physical body, and I guess this is what drove me with such a passion to find answers, but it was not that alone. You see, I have had many psychic experiences, some of which have shaken my reasoning and logic to the core.

I have always tried to keep an open mind, preferring to look for logical answers, but of all the books that I read, nothing seemed to satisfy my questioning, in fact a lot of them seemed to come from the realms of fantasy. To search for the truth can be very frustrating. Out of all the books that ever I read, only one phrase stuck in my mind ‘sometimes you have to give in to win’. I didn’t realize the profound significance of this, even in the years that followed, in fact not until after my enlightenment.

I was christened in church as a child, and I later went to Sunday school for religious teaching and to church on the odd occasion later in life. I searched there for the truth also, but I always saw Jesus as someone greater than the father God they told me about, and I saw the church’s teachings were in conflict with the teachings of Jesus and love.

So I put Christianity aside and continued on my spiritual quest. It was a quest that seemed impossible, and my enthusiasm for it began to fade. I was not prepared to live by blind faith or fantasy. Everything was coming to a breaking point.

I was now in my 50s and my 30 year marriage was coming to an end. I looked back over my life and it was strewn with one suffering after another. I had always been loving, caring, compassionate and forgiving, that is except for the few times I rebelled, yes I made ‘mistakes’, but I always suffered deep inside for them. I thought about the world and the cruelty and injustice of it all. It was then that I realised that something had been planted deep in my psyche as a child, a God who created everything, an angry vengeful, jealous and vain God whose purpose for creation was for us to worship and obey him and if you didn’t meet the standards required, the suffering felt on earth was nothing compared to what was waiting for you. The belief in this God had been hiding deep inside me and was now surfacing. So now we had a culprit, one who stood against everything, that I believed was good and right, against love itself and in my mind, I ranted and raved at this God.


All I wanted was to stand before this God and have my say, come eternal hell and damnation, it didn’t matter. I would stand against any God who stood against love, against any God that was cruel, insensitive and vain. I thought, ‘how can someone create a world with so much suffering in?’ I was not prepared to live in such a cruel world made for the sake of one.

So I found a quiet place where I wouldn’t be disturbed, and took a massive overdose of tranquilisers. I thought ‘shove this life, it’s about time someone stood up to this tyrannical, uncaring God.’ When I awoke in hospital I was frustrated and angry that I was still alive, and that I had been denied my say. I thought that either God won’t face me or there is no God, in which case I’ll just get on with my life, the way I want to live it. If I was to be a servant then it would be to love, for it had always been my master. If you condemn those that take their life, then you should understand that it is because you don’t see their unbearable suffering or loyalty to their beliefs.

Well, I got on with my life, never again to try and end it. A couple of years later, when I was single and living on my own, I decided to make the best of myself that I could. I actually lost 2 stone (12.7k) in just two weeks. I felt great! Then as fate would have it, I caught the most horrendous chest infection. My breathing was barely discernable and I had a heart attack. To say that it was like an elephant standing on my chest would be an understatement yet in the ambulance, I wasn't a bit worried, in fact it seemed quite funny and I found myself almost laughing when asked how I felt, the truth is, I just didn't care. I was being worked on at the hospital when my heart just gave in and stopped. Strange but I didn’t have an NDE. I woke up with burn marks on my chest. I was covered in bruises and on a machine administering antibiotics. I was out of there after three days and put on permanent medication, about seven lots of tablets. I didn’t need them after enlightenment. Seems God didn’t want to see me then either. It was about a year later that my life would change forever.

My Pre-Enlightenment State

There came a point in my life, when through forgiveness, I had found a measure of peace and in a quiet moment, my mind once again fell on my quest for answers. I had suffered so much, but then so had others, and it was usually at the hands of the unloving, who always seem to be greatly rewarded for their actions. It was time to look at myself and my life with complete honesty. I reasoned that it would not profit me if I didn’t face myself and my beliefs with unbiased logic and reasoning.

My first question was ‘is there life after death?’ My pre-birth memories were anchored so far in the past that for the first time, I began to doubt them and I had no memory of knowledge relating to a life after this one. So I faced death and I was left with the only two possibilities; either death was an end to awareness, in which case I wouldn’t even know that I had died. I just would not exist anymore, or life continues, in which case I am immortal and the adventure continues. I wasn’t sure either way, but an end to awareness sounded the best option, but what then of my loving nature? Was it all for nothing? Was it no more than a mental condition that had robbed me of enjoying this one supposed finite life?

I reasoned that it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had made the lives of others better. I had contributed to a better world. I knew that it was the way to be. It was good and right. My life had not been wasted and I and countless others would not have suffered so much if there had been more love in the world.

I decided to remain true to my loving nature and carry on living my life the way that I had always done, regardless of what came, or what it cost in suffering to me.

Next I looked at all of the knowledge that I had gained throughout my life, and I realised that I knew nothing of worth, nothing except that love is the way. Possessions are worthless, people are priceless, and the greatest delusion is that we need more than love and each other.

So there I was, emptied of desire, I did not even need my love fulfilled, to give was enough, for that is where my pleasure lay.

In this knowledge I found a peace that I had never known in this life. I was free of emotional baggage. I had done my best in this life, and given the world that I was born into, I reasoned that I had done well, I had not been overcome and my love remained undefeated against all the odds. For this, I gave myself credit, and I stepped forward, happy with who I was; I had stepped out of the game of life.

We come with the knowledge of what is right and wrong (good and evil), but knowledge alone is worthless unless acted upon, and you cannot act upon the knowledge of what is good and right with sincerity, unless you first acknowledge its truth and commit yourself completely, it is then that Love’s power reveals itself.

For three weeks, I was completely happy and content, devoid of inner conflict. I was a free spirit and whereas I had spent a lifetime of being extremely shy, and with very low self esteem, I was now completely confident and unaffected by the judgements of others. I realised that the worth of a person is found in their heart, and not in their worldly power or possessions. The world was playing a game, a game they were born into, and it is a game with no rules, except for those that are chosen, changed and ignored at will, it is a game with more casualties than winners. So I had stepped out of the game. The world could take all that it wants, but it would not take me. I had nothing but myself and love. They were an incredible three weeks and I would have been blessed to live out the rest of my life as I was, but the sun had only just begun to rise.

My Enlightenment Experience

My three weeks of pleasurable existence were about to end. Enlightenment was the last thing I would have thought about, and was no more than a word that I had encountered, somewhere in the pages of the books I had read in the distant past. My thoughts were not even on anything spiritual. It was then that the completely unexpected happened.

I found myself disembodied in a place full of light and I was not afraid. The first thing that I realised was, that I was a separated, conscious, aware entity. I felt my existence as an individual entity, and I knew that I was immortal and indestructible.

Images appeared in front of me at a short distance, they were images of people in the world, lost in forgetfulness, striving for material things and causing all manner of hurt to each other in their pursuit. The madness of the world was unfolding before me. I felt like shouting out to them, to wake them from their blindness, but no words came. I didn’t feel their suffering at that time as I normally would, but I felt their longing and need for Truth and Love. I felt Love for them.

It was then that I felt a presence and I knew that it was God. Believe me, there is no mistaking God’s presence. Still I felt no fear; it all seemed so natural. I have no words to do justice for what happened next. I felt what I can only describe as pure Love permeate through every part of my being. It was the perfect fulfilment of Love and it was as if my eyes were fully opened, and I felt my consciousness expand. In one instant of perception, I had seen everything. I realised that there are things that the normal consciousness is incapable of perceiving or understanding. I had seen through the eyes of God.

I looked at the images of the world once more, and I decided that I would do what I could to help, for what I then realised, were all of my family. I was then back in the world once more, changed forever. Although Christianity lay some distance in my past, the first things that sprang into my mind were ‘what have they done! He died for nothing’ and I will not hide the fact that it was of the church and Jesus that I was thinking. I realise that I have been anointed, and the same awaits for all who are true to Love.

Those who saw me after my experience would stare at me unable to understand what they were seeing. All they could say is that I was glowing somehow, but they had no words to describe it. I felt it too. It was perfect peace, confidence and love.

I didn’t find God....God found me, when I found myself and gave myself to love unconditionally. There is no angry, vengeful, jealous God, only a God of love, understanding and compassion. When you realise that, what will you do?

I didn’t ask for enlightenment, I didn’t ask for anything. I put myself last, and love for others first, but we already knew that it was the way, even though some have tried to take us another way. You are my family.

Does God desire worship? Yes, the greatest worship that there is, it is called LOVE, given of the free will, with sincerity and without fear; that is the reason for creation.

I am and always will be, with the Holy Spirit, it is the voice of God, the voice of Love and Truth. What I have achieved awaits you also. Choose and make it so. Love is God’s Law, let it be yours. We are one in God, each as much an individual as God, and we are all one family.

This is your life, and I say with certainty that you will never cease to exist as a living spiritual entity. In one hand you have your freedom, in the other is servitude to the unloving side of consciousness. You can have as many life journeys as you want, God will love you no less for being late in your return home, but you must realise that there is no life journey that is without suffering, except for the last one in Heaven. We come into the world as free spirits, let us leave that way also. Give in! Give in to the love that you carry. It is the Light, and know that whoever opposes that love stands in the darkness.

We carry the hope of the world, its only salvation; you are blessed by one greater than man.

Expanded Consciousness

Enlightenment results in a massive expansion of consciousness (awareness) and through that expansion, comes the ability to receive incredible amounts of knowledge in a moment of time, as one concept that is fully understood. The difficult part is then passing on that knowledge to others in a way that they can understand. Being a person of limited and basic education, means that my communication and grammar skills have caused me some difficulty in respect of passing on what I have learnt. It has been a struggle but it’s getting easier.

When consciousness is expanded through enlightenment, it is as if everything is realised in one concept, it is a knowing, like a full and sudden awakening.

Imagine that somewhere in your memories, there is a large store of knowledge sealed like a great library, knowledge that you once knew but had forgotten about. Now imagine that door being flung open, and you suddenly realise and remember all that you had known. With that knowledge you then look at your life journey, and in your embarrassment you say ‘I didn’t know, I didn’t realise’. Then you look at others in the world who are still in forgetfulness, and you look with righteous judgement and with compassion.

You know in your heart that some will accept what you reveal, and find comfort. You also know that many will reject what you say and even hate you for your teachings, because in their forgetfulness, they prefer to live without guilt and compassion, preferring the pleasures of the world and self gratification, even at the expense of the suffering to others, whose pain and hardship they choose to ignore, unless it affects their reputation in the community and threatens to reveal their true nature and beliefs.

Who are the deluded, but those who think that they need more than Love?

There is an awakening occurring in the world today, on a scale never before seen. It is the birth of the expanding consciousness, and it is found in those who acknowledge what is good and right, it is found in those with Love and a desire for Truth, those with empathy.

It is to these that I first offer my service, for they are capable of accepting and understanding divine knowledge. They are ready for their Spiritual Evolution, they are almost ready, to stand in the Light and know God.

Post Enlightenment

Enlightenment is not the end of a life journey in fact it is something that can only happen while your life journey is in progress. If it were not so, then your life journey and your physical body would expire on receiving enlightenment. How then could there be any teachers, where would be the proof of what you strive for?

God will not intervene personally, because it would defeat the purpose of creation and of learning through free willed choices. It is therefore left to enlightened souls to act as a witness to what is good and right, and through their free will, to act as a messenger for the Spirit, which is God’s Word.

In post enlightenment you carry a great deal of knowledge and power, and also a great deal of responsibility. After enlightenment you are still in the world, still subjected to temptation. It must be understood that all disembodied enlightened souls are Angels. An enlightened soul, that chooses the temptations of the world, knowing that it is immortal and indestructible, is then known as a fallen angel; one who has fallen from grace. When their life journey ends, they are not then able to enter the Garden.

So be careful in post enlightenment in case you too are tempted to fall. Post enlightenment is spent in the company of the Spirit, but only according to your desire and will, and in each moment of the Spirit’s presence is felt the fulfilment of Love.

The Spirit Teaches

After enlightenment the Spirit begins to teach, at first by proposing questions, for which you have to find the answers. Some of the questions seemed very difficult at first and there were a few that took a few days to find the solution, but once found they seemed so obvious. It was not so much a test of knowledge, but rather a test of reasoning and understanding based on the newly acquired knowledge. I suppose the questioning was to get me used to the newly acquired expanded consciousness.

Being a person of little education I also had to learn how to teach others and this in itself has been a gradual process.

There were times when I wrote several pages, and on completion I didn’t know what I had written. On having the pages read back to me, I found some of the things revealed amazing, and I would say ‘did I write that?’

It should be noted that the Spirit does not possess a person, but rather comes and leaves at the will of the individual.

How do I know it’s the Holy Spirit and that I am not being deceived?

I know because I know what is good and right.

I know because I know love and truth.

I know because I have known God and I know God’s voice.

I know because I know that Jesus was the most loving soul to walk the earth, and that he truly is a Son of God.


Beyond Imagination

There are many things that I know, that I do not have the authority to reveal, things that are at present beyond your imagination, beyond your ability to perceive and understand. I no longer see reality with limited senses and I know that even the most intellectual of mankind are like children who have barely scratched the surface of reality.

Science has done so much good for mankind, but it has also been used for the most evil of purposes, and there have been discoveries that are guarded by the elite, that if used would create hell on earth. It is mankind?s misuse of science that has brought the last days into fruition. All that you have seen used by the elite in their pursuit of power, are no more than toys compared to what they have in reserve. Soon the world will be truly astonished by their real signs and wonders. But you should not worry because there are things even for them that are beyond imagination, things that will neutralise all of their power.

There are those who even now are praying for the apocalypse, thinking that they will be saved and rewarded, but they have not known God and they are not in the book of life. They talk peace and crave war, they speak with loving tongues yet there is hate in their hearts.

You, who have known Love and have given it freely without reward, have known God, and it is you who will experience the true rapture, the fulfilment of Love through God. It is an experience that at present is truly beyond your imagination.