The Elusive ‘I’

So you want to become Self realized, you want to come to know yourself, and although you have studied much and have given much thought to what you have read, you still feel that you are somehow blocked from taking that final step back into the Self, to experience the reality of the elusive ‘I’.


You may ask; ‘Why can I not form a clear perception of what I am referring to when I use the word ‘I’ or speak of ‘the Self’, the ‘me’ that is doing the thinking, the observing, the controlling?’

I want to make one thing quite clear. Self-realization has not evaded you through any fault or imagined deficiency on your part. The simple Truth is that all you required was to be set on the right path and given the correct knowledge to follow it to its end. Having been fortunate enough myself to reach the end of that path to Self-realization and even beyond to achieve Enlightenment, it is now my intention to show you the way. I seek no profit for what I do other than the joy of seeing others become all that they can be.


As usual I will do my best not to waste even one word and I will try to make things as simple as possible, so that it may be beneficial to as many people as possible, giving consideration to their various levels of knowledge and understanding.


What we are dealing with here is not fantasy or vain imaginings, it is spiritual science and in that respect it will be entirely testable and provable, therefore we will not be stepping outside the bounds of reality.


I want to start with the basics and understanding to the answers of the following questions, which will give you firm foundations to build the rest of the knowledge upon. They are very important questions that have led to much confusion for the spiritual searcher and the wrong answers have only served to become stumbling blocks, so I want you to be quite sure that you understand the Truth of what I say concerning each question, before you move on to the next.


1.     What is Life?


A.    Life is not a physical/material thing.


B.    Life is something that is experienced.


C.   When that which is capable of awareness, becomes aware of something, it experiences life.


D.    A spiritual being is the only thing that is capable of awareness and therefore able to experience life.


E.   When you use the word ‘I’ or speak of the ‘Self’, you are referring to the spiritual being that you are.


2.     What is Consciousness?


A.    The state of experiencing life is referred to as: CONSCIOUSNESS


3.     Are Awareness and Consciousness the same thing?


A.    No. you can be aware of something and not be conscious of what it is that you are aware of and so…


B.    Awareness is feeling an effect, and consciousness is recognizing what is causing that effect.


C.    Awareness is feeling, consciousness is realization through seeing and knowing.


D.    You began your search because you felt something. You became aware of something not related to materiality. You intuitively knew that there was more to life and the Self; something yet to be recognized in your consciousness. It is like being lost in a dark room and searching for a source of light, so that you could see what it was that you were feeling.


4.     What is Realization?


A.    Realization is to make real, to bring into consciousness that which was hidden. It can also be called  reveal-ization or revelation.


B.    Realization is a sudden knowing, it is instant, like a flash of lightening, accompanied by thunder that is felt but not heard. It is that WOW moment in which beliefs are confirmed or condemned by the realization of Truth.


C.    Realization causes an expansion of consciousness.


5.     Degrees of Consciousness


A.    Awareness is dependent only on the Self.


B.    Consciousness is dependent on the Self and the mind.


C.    The degree of Consciousness depends upon the Self’s clarity of perceptionImagine a lit candle in a very large dark place. Close to the light you would see clearly, but the further you look beyond the candle the less clear things become. That which is seen beyond then becomes vague/cloudy an area of uncertainty. Beyond that is the darkness and the unknown. You have reached the limits of consciousness.


D.    Clarity of perception is dependent on focus of attentionFocus of attention requires contemplation, rather than a passing recognition.


E.     Focus of attention is dependent on interestIt is what you are interested in the most that you will focus on.


F.     Interest is dependent on desireIt is what you desire the most that you will be most interested in.

G.    Desire is dependent on a need to experience, or avoid an experience.


6.     What is desire?


A.    Desire is discontentment with the Self’s state of awareness.


B.    The Self’s natural state of awareness is one of peace


In this state, the Self has no perception of need.


C.    Peace is first lost when the Self acquires knowledge of a more pleasurable state. It is then that the Self becomes discontented and reasons a way to experience that more pleasurable state.


D.    In the struggle for a more pleasurable state, the Self focuses its attention on the problem so much that awareness of the Self fades into the background.


E.     The Self is not the only one who is pursuing a higher state of pleasure, there are millions of others, all competing for the same thing. All of them focussing their attention outwards and on worldly things, all are in a state of discontentment because they are set against each other.


F.     Eventually the Self loses its true identity, and because it has interacted with the world so much, through the physical body that it commands, it comes to believe that it is the physical body. And from this belief, it creates for itself a new identity. It can no longer distinguish the difference between Self – mind – and matter.


G.   The Self that thinks it is a physical being also inherits the perception of fear. Fear of loss or harm to the Self.


H.   There is righteous pleasure, and there is unrighteous pleasure.


I.    Self-realization can only occur while in a state of peace, a state of no desire, which is a state of contentment, a state of no need.


J.  Self-realization is the rebirth of the Self’s true identity, which was lost due to ignorance.


K.   It must be realized that the Self is not the mind. Just as a gardener is not the garden. That which is seen is not that which is looking.


L.   The Self is not in the world, because the mind exists between the Self and the world, and the body is of the world.


M.   Desire must be ended to find the Self, but how can you end desire if you desire peace and to know yourself?


7.     The Final Step


A.    Desiring to end desire may sound like a paradox, but it’s not.


B.    The desire for peace has to be the last and only desire, nothing else must matter.


C.    When the desire for peace is satisfied, all desire is silenced.


D.    ‘I am still’, ‘I need nothing’, ‘I am alone’, ‘I am free’, ‘I am at rest’, because I choose to be so.


Further considerations 


8.     Spaces


A.    At this point it doesn’t matter if you are unable to understand and analyse what the Self and the mind are made of. All you need to realize is that neither you nor your mind are material things, and therefore you are not of the world, not made of atoms.


B.    Everything that exists, does so in its own space.


C.    The mind exists in its own space, which is separate from the material realm.

The Self that exists in the mind occupies its own space, just like a gardener in the centre of a garden.


D.    The Self exists in a space that is separate from all other spaces.


E.     Awareness is feeling. Feel the space you are in. Feel the reality of the Self, then you will have come to know your Self.


F.    The Universe and the physical body that you control may fade to dust, but not one part of you has or ever will be diminished in any way. You are as aware now as the day you were born, and you will be like that even when this life journey has ended.


9.     Before and after Self-realization


A.    Before Self-realization there may have been other souls that you loved; they will still be there.


B.    Before Self-realization you may have had worldly possessions, but they will no longer have a hold on you. You will become their master, instead of them becoming yours.


C.  Before Self-realization you may have felt insecure, unworthy, hurt by criticism, desperate for Love and acceptance. These things will be no more.


D.   After Self-realization comes enlightenment, but whether or not you are worthy of it will depend on the Love in your heart for other souls, and the Truth that you have realized and chosen, of your own free will, without coercion.


You are and always have been, your own master, it’s just that you may not have realized.

You are a god in the making, choose Love, choose Truth, and make it so.

No-one can set you free, they can only show you where the keys are, and the door that they unlock.


Now go back and read No. 7 and take what is yours.

10. What is it that is experiencing life and therefore is Conscious?
    1. There is no doubt that the brain is the control centre for the body, but who or what is the controller that operates that control centre? What is it that makes the decisions? What is it that receives information from the body and its physical senses? What is it that sends information back to the physical body? We refer to the controller as the Self or as I.

    11. What is the Self? What am I?

    1. You are not life because that is something that you experience.
    2. You are not consciousness because when unconscious, you would no longer exist.
    3. You are not your thoughts because those are things you see, and therefore must be outside of you, and not a part of you.
    4. You are not your mind because that is a place where your thoughts are.
    5. You are not your body because the mind lies between you and your body.
    6. Thoughts are not material things so you are separated from the world by your mind.

    Let us look at these one at a time.

    The Self is that which is capable of awareness. I say capable, because the Self does not always experience being aware, for instance when you sleep without dreaming. When this occurs it is like you have been switched off and immediately back on again. 


    Many hours have past, but it seems like seconds, almost as if you have time travelled. If we define death as being the absence of awareness then we must concede that death does not mean the termination or end of the Self’s existence, and that death is no more than a temporary state of being.

    The Self is not awareness, it is that which is capable of awareness. It is that which is capable of experiencing life, and therefore capable of being conscious. To be in a state of consciousness is to be aware, awake, and to experience the effects of what is in the range of awareness.


    Awareness is felt, it is feeling the Self’s changes in state.

    Feeling is sensing an effect that causes a change in the Self’s state.


    The Self has a natural vibrational state referred to as a state of peace. It will always return to that state in the absence of outside influences.


    All outside influences (effects) come directly from the mind, which is outside of the Self.

    The mind is not capable of awareness, desire or will. It is neither the Self nor the body, but it can receive, and transmit in either direction. It can also be used for storage in what is known as the subconscious mind.

    Both the Self and the body effect the mind, and what effects the mind effects both Self and body.


    The arrows represent the paths of cause and effect, so we now have a completely interactive system operating as one, and yet all three exist independently.
    Only the Self is capable of knowing that itself exists.

    Only the Self is capable of knowing the other two exist.

    Only the Self is capable of awareness.

    Only the Self is capable of choosing how it will affect the other two.


    But of course, by affecting the other two, the Self also causes a return effect on the Self, 

    (you reap what you sow).

    The Self can be its own best friend or its own worst enemy.


    It is important to realize that only the Self is capable of sensing, i.e. being aware of how it is being affected, and how it is effecting that which is outside of itself.

    It is also important to realize, (although it may be difficult to grasp) that what we refer to as sight, hearing, etc., are interpretations of affects upon the Self, by the Self.


    You are not in the world or a part of it; you are not the mind or of it. You are merely sensing their effects of these two things.

    When the Self becomes aware of a higher, more pleasant state than that which it is experiencing, it will naturally want (desire) to achieve that higher state, and will search for a solution to achieve it.


    When the Self senses a threat that it may have to experience a lower unpleasant state it searches for a way to avoid it.

    The sensing of either of these possibilities causes the Self to create an image in the mind of them as if they were occurring, and because of this, the Self experiences the effects of what it has created. This may give the Self the chance to prepare, but it also affects the Self as if what it had imagined was already occurring.

    This is how fear and hope are created.


    Desire is wanting, will is doing, and will is the cause of change, or the attempt to cause change according to one’s desire.


    Only the Self is capable of consciously causing change.

    The Self causes change by creating what previously did not exist. It imagines (creates a thought in the mind), and every thought created has an effect which causes a change.


    Every thought creates a chain reaction of cause, effect, cause, effect etc. They may go as far as the body and back, or if they are communicated to other people, their effect can traverse the world. If thoughts are powerful enough they can bypass the material and be directly sensed in the minds of others.


    Be careful what you create.


    Now we can take a step further towards Self Realization.

    It was never meant that you should suffer or be broken on the wheel of life to achieve Self-realization.

    It was never meant that you should be penniless and in rags to achieve Self-realization.

    It may be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom, but it is by no means impossible.


    In Truth no-one owns anything other than themselves, even the mind is a borrowed thing.

    It is not what we think we have authority over that we should concern ourselves about, rather what matters is that which has authority over the Self, i.e. the things that we have surrendered our authority to, the things that rule our life.


    No-one can claim to be their own master, not even if they have surrendered even a grain of their authority over themselves.


    To become Self-realized you must first become your own master, you must take complete responsibility for your own actions and for yourself.


    The world was here before man stepped upon it, therefore any claims to ownership of any part of it are false. The Self can only own the Self and the Self’s thoughts. The world is being destroyed by those who use force to establish their false claims of ownership. But even that is not enough for them as they seek also to own other people, and to control them for their own selfish gains. They are people conquered by desire; they are servants of the temporary.


    Those who are overcome by worldly desires are under the laws of the Universe by their own will; they have surrendered to cause and effect. They imagine themselves as part of the material. They preach that there is no such thing as free will, and that man is no more than a biological machine. With this they have and are, polluting the subconscious mind of every person they can. Their poison must be purged.


    The Universe and all that is in it is subject to the laws of physics. It is a vast machine under the total influence of cause and effect.

    Everything that happens within the Universe is predetermined and unalterable by anything that is of the Universe.


    Only the Self has the ability to change what would have been.

    An apple falls from a tree, you can leave it to the fate of Universal law, or you can catch it and change its destiny.


    Only the Self can cause an effect that would not have happened in the Self’s absence.

    The Self is not under the laws of the Universe, because it is not in it or of it.


    Without free will there could be no sacrifice.

    Without desire there could be no Love.

    Without will there would be no breaking of any law.

    Without the Self nothing would be known.


    Desire and the control of it has always been the way to Self-realization and peace. There is righteous desire, and there is unrighteous desire.

    Unrighteous desire causes suffering to the Self and others. It causes hate and inequality.


    No desire creates the Self’s natural state of peace, and there in that state of peace the Self is revealed to the Self.

    How to achieve Self-Realization

    Self realization occurs in an instant when the circumstances are right, and it is entirely possible for you.


    The key is this:

    When desire is silenced, peace is found and in that peace, the Self that was hidden is revealed.

    Only desire stands in the way of silencing desire

    Desire to be at peace is the desire to be content with your state

    Once achieved there is nothing left to desire.


    Be still, let go, stop creating distraction, I need nothing, I want nothing.


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